hello

wow what a coincidence it is for a first post be on 4/4, kinda cursed lmfao, devils number and all.

well you may be thinking, what is this whole thing? why have i created this? what for?

this is a personal time capsule of mine, where i would like to document my thoughts, experiences and ideas to remain on the internet until the end of time. i have so many ideas and thoughts running in my head every single moment, and a lot of times, note them down into stickies, but they don't end up going anywhere from there.

i didn't grow up with a dad, and i've had to figure a lot of things out myself, and create my own way of thinking, and adapt to this world, which can be at times pretty harsh.

i have so many great ideas to share.

let's start off with the first one that is to have fun and enjoy every single moment of life.

the thing is that even being told this will not suffice for most. everyone seems to think that tomorrow is guaranteed. oh wow you're so young, there's no way you'd pass the next day. no way, you've already lived for so long - no way it's going to be next week right?

well, it is genuinely not guaranteed. nothing is guaranteed. nothing is certain. you don't really know all that much, you don't even know why you're living and breathing and moving.

suffering needlessly through life has been ingrained into society. especially in my family. i have a sister that used to set alarms just to torture herself into waking up every minute of the night, just to feel like she's "productive" because it's like fooling herself that she's going to wake up and do some work. it's hard to put into words because that's how ridiculous it is.

you tell people that you're having a great time and they start to look at you with disdain like wtf you should be suffering, you should be working, you shouldn't be enjoying life this much. it's stupid. at the end of the day, i didn't have a menu to select whether i wanted to enter this world or not, the least i could have is the freedom to enjoy the time i'm here.

listen to that song. play that game. eat that thing. if it gives you enjoyment and makes life that fraction better, why the heck not? all of this is very much temporary and meaningless.

lead your life the way you want to. do the things that you want to do. if you go down, you go down in your own terms. it's much better than being someone else's doll and just following what they say all the time. make the mistakes. learn from them. stop asking everyone for what is right or wrong. stop asking someone else if you should do something. do it, then get feedback or a response from it, then either continue doing it because it's good for you, or stop.

and my last and final message is to follow the gut and speak your truth. speak your mind and stop doubting yourself. stop thinking so much, just move, write, do. inherently nothing is wrong or right, just what society has set expectations on. if you feel correct about something, then go with that. i've felt that this leads to better individualism, personality, and genuinity, and you start to be more vibrant.

chase your dreams because what else is there to do realistically. while you're here it's best to enjoy it and maximise the enjoyment you get out of it.

lets go baby